Sunday, March 21, 2010

hell week is over.

it wasn’t all hell, but it contained a disproportionate amount of un-fun-ness compared to my usual happy, leisurely weeks.

the worst was going to the doctor friday morning. i hadn’t gone to the doctor in around nine years--enough time for my previous doctor to lose my medical records. i was not looking forward to the appointment. i hardly slept the night before and couldn’t eat in the morning. if i don’t get my usual soygurt and grape nuts straight off i’m pretty useless by noon. the check-up went better than expected, until it was time to give a blood sample.

knowing that i was going to have my blood drawn wasn’t a huge stress. i wasn’t psyched about it, certainly. i hadn’t experienced this blood-drawing business in about a decade so i didn’t know what to expect.

when i got to the vampire’s office it became immediately obvious that things weren’t going smoothly. first, she fiddled around on the computer for a while with her back to me, muttering something about not being familiar with the type of tests the doctor requested. incompetence is such a favorable quality in a vampire. she excused herself to go ask the doctor about the tests, and i sat patiently, anxiety level rising slightly with every minute i waited for the needle.

she returned and asked me if i was an easy draw. i said i didn’t know. she pulled out a needle and four enormous plastic blood-receptacle tubes, dropped some on the floor and strained over her large girth to pick them up, applied a tourniquet and started prodding about my arms. she told me if she couldn’t find a vein in one or two tries she would send me to the hospital so they could do it. the hospital? are you fucking kidding me?

i wanted nothing more than for her to just stick me and get it over with. i was tempted to grab a needle and do it myself--if i could have willed one of my veins to open and blood to come gushing forth on its own i would have. the anticipation was killing me.

finally, it looked like she was about ready to drive her sharp into my flesh. i asked her a simple question:

me: are you confident?
vampire: haha, am i confident.
me: *grimace*

the needle slid right in; i literally didn’t feel it. there was absofuckinglutely nothing to it. afterwards she had the nerve to insinuate that making me nervous about the process was helpful, because the actual event was so easy.

me: yeah, make me crap myself first. that was a good idea.

i should’ve asked if that was her roundabout way of getting a stool sample. the nerve of that vampire, honestly.

i made the deadline on my articles and photos, thank goodness. i’m actually really happy with how the mccall community garden story turned out. i was able to draw upon a lot of resources i’ve read and seen lately.

i also made my own personal deadline for enrolling in spring community education classes immediately after they opened. i was so bummed last time when a few of the classes i wanted filled up before i got to them. i’m signed up for “hiking for health,” “carved in stone: cemetery history and symbolism” (one of the classes i missed out on in winter), and “spring and summer birds and critters of idaho.” i’m also signed up for a free class through REI on local hiking trails. i’m determined to find the best trails for springtime wildflower photography this year.

one of the good things about this week was getting to do a lot of gardening. while the creek bed in the back yard is still dry i decided to plant some things on the opposite bank, like beans and flowers. of course if the beans do well and start to look tempting i’ll eventually have to wade through the water to reach them.

a couple weeks ago my mom saved her herb garnish from dinner at a new vietnamese restaurant in town. she didn’t know what it was but she planted it anyway, and it’s thriving; turns out it’s vietnamese coriander, and tasty! it was a pathetic, wilted little cutting but it sprouted from both sides and is growing like a monster.

the herbs in the back yard are flourishing, especially mint and oregano. the other day i was able to try drying mint, oregano, chives and some as-yet unidentified herb in the dehydrator, which worked super well.

in my friend jason’s old neighborhood, all the streets are named after flowers. one of them is “nasturtium.” the first time i drove by it, i misread the street sign as “masturbation,” and nearly lost control of my vehicle from laughing so hard. jason said he’d had the same experience. so every time we drove by that street, which was very often, we’d yell “MASTURBATION!!!” over and over in silly voices until we were both satisfied.

this year, i managed to order, receive, and even examine a packet of nasturtium seeds without even thinking of masturbation street. just a few days ago i was planting a hanging basket with nasturtium, i glimpsed the seed packet from the corner of my eye, and once again experienced the magnificent misreading. i texted j straight away:

me: i just planted a bunch of nasturtium seeds...and it made me think of MASTURBATION! remember? i had forgotten until just now.
he: weird...i just thought of that this morning! masturbation!! masturbating nasturtiums!
me: i will never be able to look at these flowers without thinking of masturbation. did you know you can eat them? edible masturbation!
he: yeah i’ve eaten masturbation before!
me: (laughing too hard to type a response)

it’s good we’ve both matured so much since high school.

i went to a fun benefit show at the visual arts collective on st. patty’s day and shot photos for diversity. local musicians blaze & kelly, mel wade, and becca and rochelle played, with proceeds benefitting the community center and common ground.

becca sang a cover of bobbie gentry’s “ode to billy joe,” one of my favorite songs ever. she did lots of 60s songs and i loved every moment. there was also a kinda strangely executed cover of “sex with ducks.”

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