self love apples

fantastic information from “american tomato: the complete guide to growing and using tomatoes” by robert hendrickson:

on plant sensitivity theory: “When students studying sensitivity in plants talked about sex, the plants they tended showed signs of sudden excitation on their polygraphs. Which led them to believe that ancient fertility rites, in which humans made love in freshly seeded fields, may have been authentic stimulants to plant growth. You’d have to be careful of the seed bed to do that, but at least you can talk lustily to plants.”

that information, coupled with this:

“The tomato blossom is what is called a perfect flower, with both male and female parts, and is wind-pollinated: wind-blown pollen from the anthers is trapped on the curly stigma and works its way down the pistil tube to fertilize the ovum. To encourage pollination during still, windless periods, gently shake the plants. Some gardeners even shake the flowers with an electric toothbrush or other electric vibrators.”

means i absolutely must talk dirty to my tomato plants while teasing their blossoms with a vibrator. i love it. i completely love it.