Sunday, April 11, 2010

self love apples

fantastic information from “american tomato: the complete guide to growing and using tomatoes” by robert hendrickson:

on plant sensitivity theory: “When students studying sensitivity in plants talked about sex, the plants they tended showed signs of sudden excitation on their polygraphs. Which led them to believe that ancient fertility rites, in which humans made love in freshly seeded fields, may have been authentic stimulants to plant growth. You’d have to be careful of the seed bed to do that, but at least you can talk lustily to plants.”

that information, coupled with this:

“The tomato blossom is what is called a perfect flower, with both male and female parts, and is wind-pollinated: wind-blown pollen from the anthers is trapped on the curly stigma and works its way down the pistil tube to fertilize the ovum. To encourage pollination during still, windless periods, gently shake the plants. Some gardeners even shake the flowers with an electric toothbrush or other electric vibrators.”

means i absolutely must talk dirty to my tomato plants while teasing their blossoms with a vibrator. i love it. i completely love it.

6 comments:

JJ Beazley said...

So that's why my tomatoes ripen late! There was me just thinking that celibacy has its merits... (I wonder whether the lovely Sarah - who walks her fabulous little Cocker Spaniel near my house - has any particular interest in tomatoes. Do shut up, Jeffrey.)

So, anyway. Shouldn't your blog now come with one of those 'Centent Warning' messages? Katherine and the slugs was getting close, but this...

JJ Beazley said...

p.s.

Forgot to say: excellent, graphic picture.

JJ Beazley said...

p.p.s.

We'll all assume you're going to have to buy a vibrator. Now I'm shutting up.

Jessica said...

Sounds like another book to put on hold at my library! Yummy!

Emily said...

jeff, i’m afraid your assumption is way off base...i have a whole slew of sex toys. i’m a self-pleasure junkie and not at all shy about it.

don’t you love the irony of a masturbatory device being used as a tool of propagation? it just tickles me. i mean, presses my buttons. i mean....

JJ Beazley said...

Oh, right. Er...

My Britishness is showing.